new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
