if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
