what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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