guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
