i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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