Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
