I want to have your abortion
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
