Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
