i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.