He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon