i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
