I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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