This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
