theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
