We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
