Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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