I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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