Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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