I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
