If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize