She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
