I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
