OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
