It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
