the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
