worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
