so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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