That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
