Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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