No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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