Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
