tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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