Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
