Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
