So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
