a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
soo... how was my night?
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