Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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