I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
