Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize