i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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