also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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