Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize