Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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