You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
