Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
