he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I touched a dick in church today
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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