We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
