Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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