just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
