oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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