when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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