oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
