White coat. Heels.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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