my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
