But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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