i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
