eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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