Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
