I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
