had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
