**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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