so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
