Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
