Where did you get a picture of my penis
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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