do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
