wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
